peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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