Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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