If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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