Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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