do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
