My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
