I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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