You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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