the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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