but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
