I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
