If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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