ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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