people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
