she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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