the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
