just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
