I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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