Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
