Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
