Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
