Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
