I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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