:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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