So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
