This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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