Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
