Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
