You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
