he wants to bone in the snuggie
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
