I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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