Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
