dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
