It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
