You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
