dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
