Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
