oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
