I wish they made helmets for livers.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
