I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
