His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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