I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
