making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
