Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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