Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
