I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
