I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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