so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
