____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
