What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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