He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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