no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
