I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How external is "for external use only"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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