im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
